WRITINGS
ETERNAL SANDS
©1996
Have you ever noticed how depressing life can be,
When you’re sitting alone on the shores of the sea?
Digging the rocks from the shadows on the sand,
Alone in the night with your empty hands.
Cold in the dark when you’re all alone,
Dreams of the mind are no longer known.
Someone save me, I’m alone without order.
A trembling hand dropping sand on the water.
Winds calm down as I lay on the sand,
The world not in mind and let go with my hands.
Recalls of the past in a flash, flew by,
When I went blind cause I closed my eyes.
I dreamt of a day I hoped would come,
Important to me, shallow to some.
But I open my eyes and I see where I am,
In the darkest place where you’d be if you’re damned.
And I lay on the shore with the incoming tide,
As I watched from above, my body has died.
UNTITLED MONOLOGUE
©1999
My love...
Not being with you is wasting the sun.
And how my feelings are part of the unspoken makes me weep like the clouds.
It is not of the anger I feel or the revenge within withdrawn,
But the seclusion left behind when you, my love, have gone.
And it shall, in its very presence, be subdued to inner turmoil.
It shall not be endured,
Nor any other pain conflicting in the heart.
In all of this, it lies quite clearly that my fortune not be cured.
And so I kneel before your grave, such beauty serves in what remains.
For how can love be tender here when I have so much more to fear?
　
My reasons brought forth and zero provided.
My life, my dreams tragically divided.
For if the night now has forever gloomy stars,
Can the moon be mourning very far?
And if nobody hears me, does it matter much to cry?
Does it matter more to me or to the anguish that I try?
May it be heard or may it be not,
The truth still lies and my soul still dies.
And death, oh yes glorious death...
A haven brought for those of aching and hearts of faking mastered love.
I look to death...
When indeed my final breath does wait to fear the after where we stand.
A cast away from life, expelled, and leave the heartache of the land.
And while away we can not speak, and while away we can not seek,
Perchance to end all of this pain that cast away our names to die?
Being the conviction, I leave you behind,
Because if I can't live with you, then I don't want to live without you.
　
　
　
REVILED FOR REPRESSION
©2010
For twenty years, none knew it more,
Not even I had words explored.
And walking with this sight unseen,
And blind to all those causal scenes.
With this pain comes inner silence,
Fits of rage, unspoken violence.
Broken while it’s still alive,
Serves only hurtful things inside.
Why won't they let me see the light?
And so I sit here cold at night.
Alone in shadows of the past,
That can not clear when love don’t last.
So now that it’s been said before,
By those who think they know it more,
Instead of open, shut the door,
Years of searching found a cure.
I feel I die here everyday,
Please someone take this pain away.
When in life such death defines us,
Sunlight breaks but can not find us.
When I weep here no one sees.
No one cares my soul can bleed.
A tender anxious loving need,
That finds alone some crying plead.
But still you find the will to beat me,
Kill my heart and now defeat me.
Summer has a tender wind,
But can not soothe what burns within.
STILL IN SHADOWS
©2010
In shadows find this lonely heart,
What once was light now dims to dark.
And seeming though there's no way out,
What must be done still lingers doubt.
For all the while within me churning,
A lesson here I've not been learning.
The many lives this pain has cost,
So many loves I've had and lost.
Because I could not find myself,
I knew not what I had and felt.
And sacrifice their love for me,
For some unseen disparity.
What have I now, what have I done?
Another love, for I have none.
I cast the tears upon the frost,
And freezing in some winter rain,
To cool my heart and dull the pain.
But doing this leaves summer slain,
Who could have dried up all the rain.
So in the shadows I remain,
A darkened heart, this lover’s strain.
I find it quite absurd, you know,
That no one hears me cry, hello?
That no one sees the soul I bare,
And no one even knows I’m there.
For I have left the ones who care,
Because I thought they’d love and flee,
Just like the way he treated me.
But I was just too blind to see,
Too scared to echo history,
Written before my memory,
I’d take it back now that I see.